One of the things I find interesting about being a Nigerian lady is that we are respectful or perhaps seem to be. The average Nigerian female is so keen about respect that even among her committee of friends, she expects that someone she's probably three years older than must refer to her as 'Aunty' or 'Sister' and never call her by her first name. I personally think this is very archaic.
I once had a girl tell me I ought to respect her because we are not on the same level any longer now she's married and has a child. To think this is someone I knew before she acquired marital status and became a mother.
I totally understand that respect has several interpretations in different parts of the world and even in the different parts of our nation. Generally, respect is an acknowledgement of an individual, the space and occupation such individual occupies. This means everyone has his own space and should be treated with regard. Sadly, in Nigeria, space doesn't matter much when talking about respect. The defining term is position : office, class, wealth, marital status, children, etc I'll give you an example to chew on.
I remember when my mum told a neighbor's daughter not to call me by my first name because i'm five years older than her. The girl narrated the instruction to her father, he called me as well and categorically spelt it out that his daughter and I are contemporaries, thus, she will call me by my name. I quite understood the man's position so I just apologized. Fast forward and five years after, he's requesting I call his eldest daughter who is two years older 'Aunty'....Mschew!!!
I'm all about women and will give an arm or a leg to fight for my gender but what I have realized is that most women don't sincerely love themselves. Everyone is trying to outdo the other like there is hidden competition somewhere. This might just be the reason why some women in the same committee demand to be accorded with a certain level of respect just because they suddenly become prominent in the society.
Why are the men not bothered by such? or at least most men with an exemption of a few that choose to be petty. The average man is more interested about how to impact his life, his immediate family and everything in between.
Someone once told me that in Nigeria, the tribe that places an unbelievable emphasis on respect is the Yoruba but I kid you not if I tell you its simply a Nigerian thing. I was in midst of some girls (all from the eastern part of Nigeria) the other day when I heard the most hilarious statement ever. A gathering of wives and soon to be wives of the same friends (the men) when I was told as the youngest in their midst, I should accord a certain level of respect to the married or engaged ones among them. I just couldn't laugh, I was too upset to.
Finally, I find that those who clamor with the bells and whistles for respect especially among women are those that deserve it the least. I give everyone, young and old, male or female, a modicum of respect. Its not a big deal to me, its only ethical but you best be worthy of my respect especially if you fall under my contemporary in position, age, class or status. The idea of respect on the basis of age or status is what enables degrading amongst the womenfolk and the country at large.
...Respect is earned, not demanded...
Feel free to share your comments with me,I'll be glad. Don't forget to share as well.
Comments
A friend of mine told me to call her aunty cos she's married and I'm not. Her words "we are no longer mate. I'm married now. U've to respect me and starts calling me aunty". The funny is this lady and I are age mate. Because of that we stopped being friends.
Even those whom u are older than expect u to call them aunty cos they got married before and act as if marriage is a criterion for earning respect.
Bottom line: respect is earned and not demanded.