Back in the days, women (our mothers) would do anything to keep their marriages and strive to make it work. They endured a lot of hardship just to remain married. Some did it because of their children, others might have endured because they needed to remain Mrs.Somebody. Whatever their reasons might have been, these strong super women stayed married no matter the cost. Their husbands (our fathers) were either cheats or physical and verbal abusers, or all of the above, you name it.
Women back in those days might be independent and successful but they never owned up to it as many gave up all they had to get a man out of fear that they might not be able to get a man otherwise. They did not want him to get intimidated by their car(s), job, house and any other form of accomplishment. Some women, who were not strong enough to endure, got divorced as expected. The others continue to persevere even till this very moment. You know them, our mothers, and older aunties.
Personally, I did not have the privilege of seeing my parents married to each other; they got separated before I was old enough to speak. However, I learned from my step-mum, the superwoman that raised me. She put up with a lot, just as I am sure many of you can attest to concerning your parents. Many of our mothers have developed and are still suffering from high-blood pressure, many thanks to their husbands. Some have lost their lives as a result.
After watching our mothers struggle with the hardship of keeping their marriages together for so long, women of nowadays have come to a new conclusion, it is an unspoken plot. Every woman who wants to keep her sanity in marriage knows this; “If he is not going to be a husband in the true sense of the word, he might as well be a sperm donor and will be treated as such.”
I have been watching this trend for years now and I've been studying several marriages in the meantime and it is the bitter truth that some women, married or single might not want to face.
About 4 years ago, I went to visit my ‘ex’ and his mother happened to be home. We sat together and talked while I waited for him. After we spoke about my step-mom who by then was eventually separated from my dad, the woman gave me an advice that I will always remember, maybe because it is the same thing my step-mother always told my sisters and I.
She said, “when you get married, focus on your kids, they are all you have, don’t bother about everything your husband does if you don’t want to commit suicide.”
That was coming from my boyfriend’s mother!
This is why women nowadays have resorted to several methods. There are some women that will carry the title of “Mrs” but they are actually not living the title. They have come to terms with whatever mess or otherwise their marriages have become and made their children their priority and joy.
Many of these women knew the mess they were walking into when they said ‘I do’ but they wanted to be off the single market as quickly as possible and start popping their babies. They have decided to carry the cross their marriages bring, good, bad or ugly. They also intend to stay in the marriage for as long as the man allows them, it might be till death do them part, or not.
There are some set of women who just walked into the marriage primarily to have kids, they plan to walk out once the man starts acting up so long as they have gotten all the kids they desired. These women do not have the time to put up with any nonsense. They love life and do not believe they should be subjected to any hardship or risk in order to maintain the title of “Mrs”.
They only use the men as sperm donors from the get go.
Some women don’t bother getting married, they don’t care being chastised for having kids out of wedlock. All they want from the man is a baby, once they have the baby, the relationship is as good as over.
Few weeks back when I heard the news about America’s famous RnB singer, Ciara’s break up with her fiancé and father of her son, Future, also a singer, I am sorry to say that all I could think of was ‘sperm donor! sperm donor!! sperm donor!!!. Ciara would not tell us that Future did something that was unforgivable or new, or even something she hasn't been putting up with before. I may be wrong but I believe that she patiently waited till she had her baby by him, then kicked him to the curb. She did not need to get married to him to have his child, all she needed was the child, marriage was not necessary.
There is a special group of women who have decided to freeze their eggs, just in case they do not find ‘the one’ before they hit menopause and have no eggs left. This is a smart and proactive way to go.
These women save themselves the grief of a terrible marriage, they plan to wait for as long as it takes to find the right man and freeze their eggs in the meantime. If they never find ‘the one’ during the time frame they allocated, they get a sperm donor, literally, to fertilize their eggs. In nine months, they are proud mothers just like everyone else.
These women are similar to those that don’t freeze their eggs but still get sperm donors and get pregnant through artificial insemination. No man, no marriage, no trouble!
All these, by no means is promoting divorce or single parenthood, but if it is what it takes to maintain sanity and peace of mind, then by all means, women should do what they have to do. I am also not belittling our mothers in any way; they are our heroes, the strongest breed of God’s creations.
Written by Temitope Fancy
Fancy can be contacted on Twitter- @TemieFancy,// Facebook- Temie Fancy// Instagram- Temiefancy
SOURCE: (SIMON ATEBA)
PHOTOCREDIT: (GOOGLE)
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