How Long, Is Too Long?

I got a lot of feedback concerning my previous post on standards; one very interesting question in one of the mails asked how long a relationship should last before it tolls the marriage road.

This question is not alien to many of us especially those in committed, marriage-bound relationships. It has been asked over and over again and I’m not sure if it will stop coming up in several discussions every now and then; this is because people are starting relationships per second while some are still growing.

It’s quite surprising that this thought pattern is often times linked to the ladies, especially when they hit their late twenties or early thirties. It becomes a topic among single sisters when they get to attend weddings almost every Saturday or have to congratulate a friend who just got engaged.  Dele said “I wonder why my girlfriend expects me propose to her now because all her friends are getting married or getting engaged already.I think its when we are both prepared for it, not because everyone is” 

I asked a few friends recently and everyone had their opinion about the time frame for individual relationship before tying the knot. Some even shared their love stories. It’s interesting how diverse opinions can be when it comes to love, relationship and marriage. I literally heard the most intriguing views ever. I’d like to share a few.

So Debola stated that before she got married, she had to understand the purpose of marriage. She added that when the purpose of something is not known, abuse is inevitable. After turning down her now husband’s proposal three times while they were dating, she knew if she had accepted it then, she probably would have broken it off by now. Debola dated her husband for 2 years. unlike her, Debola's husband knew he wanted to marry her from the get go. For her, the 2 years dating period allowed them set like goals for each other, and work together to achieve them. She also got to know him better and him, her.

Ndideka included that not only purpose but finances and job security determines how long the relationship will go before it can consider moving up to marriage. “Marriage is not beans or poraro, I can’t come and marry today, organize a glam wedding courtesy my mother and mother-in-law and then tomorrow, I and the hubby become broke, there must be at most 3 steady sources of income” she said smiling.

Hauwa, engaged, totally disagreed with the two previous opinions. She believes that marriage is beyond purpose and financial stability, Age can determine how long a relationship will last before getting into marriage. She noted that older men and women know what they want before they go into relationships. They don’t waste unnecessary time and hence get married as soon as they meet ‘the one’. Unlike people that get into relationships at a much younger age, they tend to stay in these relationships longer before it luckily leads to the altar.

These three views are unique in their own way. Simply put, finance, age and purpose determine how long a relationship will get. One thing uniting them is that sense of reasoning is way more important than ‘I’m in love.’

My conclusion however,  is that there’s no exact time for a relationship to progress to marriage however anyone in a steady relationship without break for more than 5 years should consider calling it quits...#IMO(in my opinion)

8 months to 3 years is the best period for any would be relationship to progress to marriage. Depending on the individual, this will give you enough time to know your partner but then again, you can even know everything about him or her.…. At this point, I’d like to drop my pen. I hope I've been able to do justice to the question “how long, is too long?”

I’ll like to hear from you, so feel free to share your opinions or experiences at the comment box below. Thanks lovies.

Happy Conjugal Bliss to all the brides getting married this Saturday,

Photocredit: (Google)