If you are visiting my blog for the first time, I say
welcome and I'm glad you opened it up. If you are a regular visitor and in fact you have subscribed to my
blog, I have nothing but love for you. I know I am guilty of taking frequent
breathers but blame me not; Lagos is so not the easiest place to live in for a girl
with multiple jobs like myself. I can
promise you however that from this post on, I will become more frequent than
ever. Trust me on this one.
Now to the business of the day….
Disclaimer: Like the headline says, Grown-Up Stuff, and in my books that means you must be above 25 years to understand this. Thanks.
I can trust you not to judge me right? So let's get into it. I am
one of the most committed users of Google. What can’t I search on that site,
nothing actually…So on one of my jobless days, I decided to log in “how to be brilliant
in bed” over a billion answers appeared on my screen: “signs that you are awesome in bed”, “five mistakes you should never make”, “ten signs that he will come
back for more”, … Sadly, it wasn’t until I scrolled to the end of the page
11 that I found one suggestion about what guys can do to please us (ladies).
It should be all so simple, truthfully, but when you
consider the above, it’s no wonder so many of us worry about not being good
enough in bed, while others bend backwards (literally) trying really, really
hard to be.
Personally, I believe it’s because there is no clear cut way
to gauge our levels of brilliance. Most things we want to excel at can be
measured using some form of scale, but when it comes to sex, what is our basis
for comparison? We can rely on our partners for feedback but how do we trust
that they are not just being nice or perhaps, mean? Or the chemistry isn’t just
there.
It’s unbearable to imagine him with his ex or another woman
(The ghosts of the other woman) and this just undermines whatever confidence you
have or offer a false sense of insecurity. This is not to say it is impossible
or unacceptable to compare and hard not to, with so much anecdotal material
everywhere, online pornography is as easy to get as A B C. How will knowing
that some girl up north who can dislocate her jaw like a snake and lives to
give oral gives us a realistic sense of scale? Truthfully, nothing can, because
there is no scale or performance stakes? You can stretch like a gymnast and
come like a train, but if the chemistry is not there, the sex will feel
bi-dimensional and disappointing.
Another thing is we often fall prey to comparing our sex
lives with others. Because Mr and Mrs Jones have it every day don’t mean a
thing, don’t fall for that hype. Some couples infuse extreme activities into their
sex life for spontaneity sake but it’s always best to understand yourself and
your partner before indulging. I watched
a movie on Youtube lately and a couple; Jack and Jill(J & J) noticed their
sex life was lack luster, and they began to think of ways to revive it. Then one
day, the lady suggested they have an orgy with their neighbours; Romeo and
Juliette(R & J). So they set out to achieve their aim, first they got close
to this couple, studied them and made them R & J trust them, amazingly, it didn’t
take so long. One day, Jill confessed to Juliette that she and her husband haven’t
been having the best of times together so they thought about having an orgy and
they would rather have it with their neighbours than with anyone else. It would
be their little secret. I would have
been surprised if Juliette refused, she welcomed the idea and they did it. This
worked for them; it might not work for you. Key to great sex is good
understanding of you first then your partner, as well as communication.
A healthy sex life is not defined by how often you do it. If
having it several times a day, a week or month works for you, that’s fine – and
despite all you read, not all couples
are designed to have a red room of pain, build S&M dungeons, enact their
fantasies or have sex in restaurant toilets to have an intensely satisfying
erotic or kinky life. For most of us,
the simple intimacy of allowing ourselves become utterly absorbed in the taste
of smell, sounds, sight and feel of the beloved other is electric. In fact,
while sex toys, costumes and role play can inject a bit of fun and adventure,
it can sometimes act as a distraction from the fact that there’s something
missing.
If your sex life does need work (there’s almost always room
for improvement), it’ll be something you definitely have to work on together,
because you’re both equally responsible for it, whether you admit it or not.
The only thing we should be rating is the quality of the sex
we are having right now. Let’s get two things straight: brilliant should
describe the experience, not the performance. And great sex is not the performance;
it’s the experience….I DROP MY PEN
Live, Love and Learn
PS: Keep the comments rolling in people, I would certainly
love to hear from you.
PHOTO SOURCE: www.google.com
PHOTO SOURCE: www.google.com
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