Sunday Morning Banter: Is Marriage The Holy Grail?

Its painful to hear of how beautiful weddings come to an end because of someone’s carelessness or insensitivity.  Just this morning, the news making rounds all over twitter is of a certain Nigerian Celebrity whose marriage is being threatened because her husband got his ex-girlfriend pregnant.  I got to church, sat close to a friend and while we got talking. She told me told how the current divorce rate has really affected her decision to settle down. According to her, men are beginning to take a piss and she can't imagine making her parents go through the expenses that comes with planning a wedding ceremony. She added that planning a wedding these days don't come cheap, from the proposal night where the man is supposed to get the best engagement ring, propose in a posh restaurant or location and probably getting nice pictures to be posted on bellanaija, weddingdigestnaija or africanwedding site.
Then, the introduction, pre-wedding photographs, pre-wedding dinner, bachelor’s eve, bridal shower etc. The wedding proper is another ball game entirely, asoebi must be fabulous, the wedding outfit for both bride and groom has to be magnificent, the hall as well as décor should be adorable and and and.

 Please don’t misunderstand me; I just think many couples today are more interested in the pre-planning process or better yet, the wedding than the marriage itself.  It seems to be a superficial concept than a spiritual one. I have even heard some men say they will give their woman the best wedding ceremony ever but their marriage to her won’t stop them from philandering just as long as they can comfortably provide for both mother and child.  Some of my married male friends argue that most of them are married now because their women were eager to become a Mrs so that they can show to their friends he has finally put a ring on it, as a defense. But the question is, is this what women really want?

I want to believe that marriage although is an achievement to some; however, it should not be the fuel that drives you when you are in a dating relationship. By now, you should know that not are relationships are altar bound, not all boyfriends make the best husbands and likewise not all girlfriends make the best wives. Ladies, please quit acting or believing that getting married or marriage itself is the Holy Grail. Its unarguable that the feeling of getting married is awesome,especially when its with and to the right person for the right reasons and at the right time,  I understand this but while it hasn’t come your way yet, enjoy your singlehood. Do all you know you won’t be able to do once you get married while you are single.  If you love to globetrot, by all means indulge as long as you can afford it. If you are a shopaholic, splurge while you can. If you are the life-of-the-party person, seize the opportunity because all that will be reduced to the minimum once you get married. 

Those who know me know how much I love to attend weddings but when I am at a wedding, I can’t help but observe both bride and groom. I know it’s none of my business but I find it very revealing. Some couples have been able to master the art of concealing their emotions and are very elusive while others, you can simply read through them. I know from a few minutes of observing a bride and groom if they are genuinely happy by their facial expressions, and attitude towards each other during the ceremony.

Furthermore, like I often say, a marriage is not a do or die affair. Don’t fall prey to family, society or peer pressure to get married. Do it when you are emotionally, financially and spiritually capable to stay in one. There are greater achievements beyond bearing the title Mrs.

I have heard of women who in point of fact got married for the title and loved the man that gave them that title less, some for the material comfort or security, while others just want to fit into a particular circle so they get married.  Interesting how some of these women find themselves stuck are in emotionally, physically and psychologically abusive marriages and won't leave because the society frowns at divorce. Perhaps there are many other underlying factors why so many people are coerced into getting married but the question I ask myself often is, why is marriage such a big deal?

 Not being married while all your mates and even your juniors are getting married doesn’t mean that The Big Man up there has forgotten you. It certainly doesn’t mean you are less attractive or not a wife material (if you genuinely are). It just means you need to re-evaluate your standards and engage in introspective tests more often.

I'll like to end with these few words, as you wait for the right partner and right time, work on being better people. Reevaluate your desires, needs and expectations. Make more time for God, family and friends. Love yourself more.  The Holy Book reminds us constantly that “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” - Ecclesiastes 3 vs 1 

Have a great week guys. Please keep the comments rolling in and the post going round till it becomes the word on the street. Thanks guys, you rock.

Live, Love and Learn.