WHEN TO DRAW THE LINE

Hiiiiiii Guys. Hope everyone is doing great. I’m sorry for abandoning the blog for so long AGAIN. I really try to do better but it’s not that easy………thanks for the mails and comments. I decided to blog this week by all means and I’m glad to be back.

Everyone has this friend of the opposite sex who really understands you. The two of you can talk about anything, and you do. ‘We’re just friends’ you tell yourself but your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse might think otherwise if he or she were privy to your lingering conversations.

There’s a saying that goes ‘there’s no smoke without fire’. Sometimes or most times this sudden ‘close for comfort’ friendship begins from the desire for:

Fulfillment: Simply put, attention from the opposite sex feels good. It flatters us to know that we are valued, and it makes us feel attractive. After dating or being married for a time, you might begin to find reassurance in the company of a friend of the opposite sex. Having such needs fulfilled by someone other than your partner, you gradually weaken your connection with your partner. In this way, you begin to rob your partner of the attention you owe him or her. Ask yourself ‘what needs are being fulfilled by this friendship that would better be fulfilled in my relationship.

Vulnerability: Nothing comes easy, there are times you would feel neglected or unappreciated by your spouse, or may harbor resentment over an unresolved conflict. Perhaps your spouse avoids talking about such issues, leaving you frustrated and vulnerable to the attention of someone else. Some experts say shying away from discussing difficult issues can be a significant predictor of unhappiness in relationships. Ask yourself ‘is there a void in my relationship that has made me vulnerable to an inappropriate friendship?’

If you are presently experiencing this, I've got good news for you. I realized that by giving up the illusion you have of what it would be like if you were dating the person you have close friendship with is Step1 to saving your relationship. This is because with time the platonic friendship you once had become emotional and then you begin to pit your friend’s strengths with your partner’s weaknesses – very unfair comparison, to say the least. You need to remember that the same euphoria you are feeling for this new friend is probably the same feeling you initially had for the person you are dating.

Step2: You also need to realize the danger. Friendship with opposite sex often times lead to emotions/attachment you might not have the power to control. Gradually you start shifting the attention you give your partner to this new friend without even realizing it.

Step3: Lastly set boundaries. The moment you realize you are becoming really fond of this new close friend and its beginning to create a gap in the relationship/ communication level you share with your spouse or posing a threat to your love life with your partner, you need to cut it off, IMMEDIATELY. The new close friend may bring all the excitement you haven’t experienced in a long time with your partner but remember he/she cant be like your partner and even the holy book says ‘The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate – Jer 17:9. Don’t fall for the flattery, attention and excitement. Turn to your partner and make things work.